there are so many reasons to stay dead.
there's the comfort of the stillness, the
way the glacial hopelessness begins to seem so safe
after so long,
so long.
there's the peacefulness of inevitable collapse,
the way each fragment and echo becomes magnified, amplified,
and imbued with the deepest shades of meaning and symbolism.
there's the way that closing your eyes blinds you to
all the things that
you'd rather not see.

as the memories decay and distort,
the
idealized world of a halcyon past solidifies,
drawing its breath from the lips of the present.
like a vampire, it slowly drains the blood from
anything you could have, anything you could be
until you are so wretched and twisted that
you look behind you and believe you see what lies ahead.
if you look at the remnants of this piano
and if you focus hard enough, if you shut everything else out,
you can hear the music it once produced
you can imagine laughter and comraderie around it,
and maybe you can warm yourself with the ghost of their flames.
maybe for some that would be enough.
as for me, i've been too cold for too long.
i need a change.
a halcyon past
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the remains of an organ lies amidst the scattered remnants of rosevale institution's past
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